he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
