You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
