We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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