Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
