Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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