she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
