Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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