i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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