whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
