Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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