Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
