So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
