I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
