Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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