Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
