i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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