hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
