Will you blow on my dice?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
