Kiss
Puke
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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