those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
