you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
