I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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