if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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