there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
