My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
