Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
