His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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