I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
