She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
MIDGETS
????
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
