I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
