He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
