I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
