how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
