I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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