Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
