Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
