her vagine was all disorganized.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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