just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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