McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
