so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
