you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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