His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
