Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
