I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
