If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
