Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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