she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
