my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
