...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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