So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
