I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
